- Every child is an individual with her unique personality, as well as likes and dislikes of her own.
- Every child deserves respect - and must learn to respect others as well.
- Take the time to observe, listen, and talk with children, not at them.
- Every child needs a structured routine, which gives his life predictability and safety.
Summary of Things you will learn from the book: The Road to Harmony
- Cheer your toddler on toward independence - without rushing him. Pushing children is not respectful, and it sets them up for failure and sets you up for disappointment.
- Learn how to tune in to your child's verbal and nonverbal language. (need patience and restraint but know when to step in)
- Help your toddler manage his emotions - particularly his frustrations. In infancy, your child's emotions were based on physical elements, such as hunger, fatigue, hot or cold, and feelings overtook her. As a toddler, though, her emotional repertoire will expand to include fear, joy, pride, shame, guilt, embarrassment - more complex emotions caused by her growing awareness of herself an dof social situations.
- Develop a strong meaningful bond between Dad and your toddler. We need to look at ways for fathers to be truly involved, connecting emotionally, not just as a play pal.
- Facilitate your child's becoming a social being. He will need to develop empathy, consideration of others, and the ability to negotiate and handle conflict.
- Manage your emotions. You must learn how to be patient, how and when to praise, how to see that "giving in" isn't loving, how to put your love into action, and what to do when you're angry or frustrated.
Everyday H.E.L.P - A Checklist
Hold yourself back
Encourage exploration
Limit
Praise
H: Am I holding back or have I been in my child's face, interfering, being too intrusive, rescuing before he needs my help? Remember that the H-holding back-is for the purpose of observation, which is not the same as being detached, rejecting, or ignoring your toddler.
E: Have I encouraged my child to explore or do I hover? There are many opportunities in a day for exploration, any number of which can be thwarted by a parent. Do you, for instance, talk for her when she's playing quietly another child? Do you do her puzzles instead of seeing if she can manage them on her own? Do you stack blocks for her without first letting her try? Are you constantly directing, monitoring, and instructing?
L: Do I limit or allow things to go too far? Too much of anything is not usually good for toddlers. Do you give too many choices or allow too much stimulation? Do you wait too long before reining in tantrums, aggressiveness, or other high emotions? Do you curtail activities that aren't good in big doses, like eating candy or watching television? And do you allow your child to participate in situations that aren't age-appropriate, which could lead to danger, distress, or feelings of failure?
P: Do I praise appropriately or do I overpraise? Do I use praise appropriately-to reinforce specific acts of cooperation, kindness, or behavior or a job well-done? I've seen parents who say, "Good job" to their toddler when the child just sits there and breathes. Not only are those parents using praise improperly, eventually their words of praise, deserved or otherwise, will mean nothing to their children.
R&R - "ritual" and "routine"
R&R helps ourselves and our children make better sense of the world.
R&R provides security.
R&R cuts down on the toddler struggles.
R&R helps toddlers deal with separation.
R&R supports all kinds of learning - physical feats, emotional control, and social behavior.
R&R helps you prepare your child for new experiences.
R&R allows everyone to slow down and to make the most mundane moments into times of connection.
Ritual for Baby Joseph
* Wake up - 20 minutes of play time in the bed
* Mealtime - encourage him to wash hands, sit at a table, use utensils, try new foods and eat with the family
* Morning Good-bye
* Bath Time - announce that it is bath time
* Read books - say, "Let's read a book!~" one Bible story and similar books every day
* Listen to Music
* Cleanup
* Bed Time
Family Milestones - Birthdays, anniversaries, and other special family days are all good reasons to celebrate.
