우리 아이 자존감의 비밀 - 책 리뷰

제목: 우리 아이 자존감의 비밀
저: 조세핀 킴

아이를 키우면서 자존감이 많은 아이로 커야 아이가 행복할 수 있다는 것은 들었지만 친구로 부터 얻어서 '우리 아이 자존감의 비밀'을 읽고 정말 아이들이 행복하게 사는 것이 얼마나 중요하고 자신의 감정을 묻어두고 말과 행동의 상처로 시름하고 있는 아이들이 얼마나 많은 지 다시금 생각하게 되었다.

아이는 백지상태로 태어나서 8세 이전 형성된 자아존중감이 아이의 미래를 결정한다. 또한 아이의 행복이 자존감에 달려있다.  

자존감 self-esteem은 자신이 다른 이들의 사랑과 관심을 받을 만한 가치가 있는 사람이라고 자기 가치 self-worthiness와 자신에게 주어진 일을 잘 해낼 수 있다고 믿는 자신감 confidence이라는 두가지 요소로 이루어진다. 즉, 자기 자신을 제대로 사랑할 줄 아는 방법이며, 모든 행동과 변화의 근원이 되는 마음가짐이다.

아이의 자존감을 심으려면 부모의 자존감이 더 중요하다. 먼저 자기 자신을 아껴야 하고 최고의 엄마가 되기 이전 자기를 사랑하고 행복한 삶의 본보기를 보여주면 자녀의 자존감도 그에 비례하는 것이다.

행복한 삶의 본보기로 자기 자신을 사랑하고 그리고 부부 간에도 행복해야 한다. 서로 싸우거나 잔소리와 뒷담화를 달고 살 거나 대화가 없는 부모들은 아이의 자존감을 떨어뜨리기 일상이다.

육아에 시간이 없고 지친 부부 간에 애정을 쌓기 위해서는 이 책에서는 친척이나 친구에게 아이를 맡기고 한달에 한번 또는 일주일에 한번은 부부만의 시간, '데이트 나이트'을 갖는것을 권장한다. 

아이에게도 순수한 애정을 가지고 무한한 사랑을 베풀어주는 게 바로 자존감을 길러 줄 수 있는 방법이 된다.

건강한 자녀교육의 첫 출발은 부부가 공통된 가족 패턴을 취함으로써 아이에게 안정감을 주는 것으로 시작해야 한다. 부모가 서로 다른 의견을 보일 때 양육 방식의 불일치로 갈등하는 부모 밑에서 자란 아이들이 자존감에 상처를 입게 된다는 사실을 확인했다고 한다. 

또한 부모의 유형이 3가지 나오는 데 독재자형, 방임형, 권위형 양육 스타일이다. 독재자 유형의 부모를 지닌 부모 밑에 자란 아이들은 부모를 무서운 대상으로 인식하며, 부모가 자신을 사랑하고 있는 지에 대해 좀처럼 확신을 갖지 못했다고 하고, 방임형 양육 방신을 지닌 부모를 둔 아이들은 통제를 받은 경험이 별로 없기 때문에 종종 충동적이고 공격적인 모습을 보였고, 반면에 권위형 양육 방식을 지닌 부모 밑에서 자란 아이들은 기본적으로 발랄하고 의욕적이며, 친구들과 협동해 무언가를 이루어내는 일에도 적극적으로 참여했다고 한다. 

이 책에서는 하버드대 학생들을 길러낸 부모들의 자존감 교육이 여러가지 소개된다.

• 아이와 함께 하기 
• 놀이를 활용해 교육하기
• 아빠의 역할 만들기
• 다양한 이벤트로 감동 주기
• 아이와 함께 공부하기
• 규칙 지키기
• 비교하지 않기

그리고 구체적이고 전문적인 실천 로드맵 3가지도 소개 된다.

자존감 교육 실천 로드맵 

1. FRIENDS for LIFE

• 다양한 감정 일깨워주기
• 생각과 감정 사이의 연관관계알기 
• 걱정 해소법 배우기
• 문제 해결 방법 익히기
• 성공하는 경험 반복하기

2. Self-esteem in the Classroom

• 생각과 감정을 끌어내는 일기 쓰기
• 협동심과 재능 발견을 위한 소그룹 활동

3. Social and Emotional Learning

• 아이의 장점에 집중하라
• 벌칙은 현실적이되 꼭 지킨다
• 집안의 큰일을 결정할 때 아이의 생각을 물어라
• 화가 났을 때 평정심을 유지하는 방법을 찾아라
• 아이를 놀리거나 굴욕감에 빠지게 하지 마라
• 부모도 사과할 줄 알아야 한다
• 아이에게 선택권을 주고 그것을 존중하라
• 답을 제시하지 말고 힌트를 줘라
• 함께 책을 읽어라
• 봉사를 통해 공감을 유도하라

Five Tips on Making Two Year-Old Eating Routine

"Sit-down meals" may not be possible for two year-old's with explosive energy, which means that they might need frequent meals and healthy snacks. 

Establishing routines, however, will be helpful for both kids and yourself to share the joyful meal time and to create interactions for children to grow. 

Here are five tips to make the terrible-two's get on their meal routines. 

1. Try getting them involved while you are cooking. Have them bring forks and spoons to the table. Have them bring placemats for meals. Have them put out some decorations. 

2. Use a nibble tray so that the child may go around the variety of bite-size portions in different nutritious values. 

3. Same food, but use creative ways - dip it, top it, cut it in shapes, spread it, and put them together - so that the child can eat as he or she plays with it. 

4. Nothing works out? Set apart the lower refrigrator shelf as toddler's own. Pack nutritious food in variety for the child to pick and choose. 

5. Use the footstool to have your toddler sit longer!

Six Tips to Plan Birthday Party for Two-year-old

Birthday for the trouble-two? Here are some tips to consider when you are planning his/her second birthday party. 

1. Sit-down in a table setting is the best in this age group. 

2. Bring in the food quickly, and take them out quickly when done.  

3. As the two-year-old probably spills and drops things easily, food should be served as spill-proof, bite-size, and in small portions. 

4. If cake doesn't look obvious, kids won't pay full attention. Make the cake colorful and standing out. 

5. Loot bags always welcome other kids who celebrate and enjoy the moments together. Be sure to fill those bags with interesting plastic toys and goodies. 

6. Birthday gift needs to be ready to be stored, which otherwise it will be fought over. 

Multiple Intelligence (MI) - Take a Free Test Online?

Although you would have to sign up, it's free, and gives you the strength of your intelligence (and your children's), which is pretty awesome to find out about! 

Go to: http://www.mypersonality.info/pro-personality-test/

After getting the result of your stronger intelligences, check out more descriptions on your types:

http://hmt.myweb.uga.edu/webwrite/logical.htm

or,

http://www.multipleintelligencetheory.co.uk/

Leave me your types, and what you want to focus on doing to make the best use of your intelligence! 

The below sites matches your type of intelligence with celebrities, which is also very intriguing to read about: 

http://www.boffinsquad.co.uk/BoffinBuddies/Profile/viewCeleb.aspx?cID=c42636

30 Everyday Items for Baby

Reviewing baby products, I realized there are some products that mothers usually end up buying or at least considers to buy.

1. Exergen Temporal Artery Thermometer
Cost: $30
This is very nice to have because children really don't like rectal thermometer.  You can put this thermometer on the forehead, and it will capture the children's temperature. It is a lot hassle-free than the other option.

 
2. Infant Optics DXR-5 2.4 GHz Digital Video Baby Monitor with Night Vision
Cost: $99
If you live in 2, 3 story house, this is very useful.  You don't have to worry that baby wake up while you are cooking or cleaning.

 


3. Fisher-Price Discover 'n Grow Kick and Play Piano Gym
Cost: $39.13
This piano gym helps hands, eyes, and feet coordination.  There is also mirror.  Amazon rating is 4.5, which many testimonials from children who love this product.


4. Medela Advanced Personal Double Breastpump
Cost: $254.19
This breastpump is good because it is double and also electric.  With Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breatpump Bra, you are good to go!
Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breastpump Bra, Pink, XS-L

5. Fisher-Price Cradle 'N Swing 
Cost: $139
Rated 4.5 out of 5 in Amazon, it is one of best selling cradle swing.  I like how it is cradle swing, so baby can be placed even when she cannot control her neck.  It has soothing music.  It swings two ways - front to back or side to side.  Its fabric is nice and soft.  It has plug-in option to save money on batteries.  The batteries last a short time with much use, so this is a great add-on.




6. Zo-li Gummy Stick Baby Gum Massagers
Cost: $10
This gum massagers are great for molars.  My son really liked this teether, but he would turn it around and put the wrong end into his mouth.  It caused him to gag because they went too far into his mouth.  But if he was to choose a teether, he would go for these ones because somehow he really liked this item.

7. Vulli Sophie the Giraffe Teether
Cost: $20
This is a little more pricy, but great thing about this is it is made of 100% natural rubber and food paint.  I had these, but my son was not as interested in them as the Zo-li Gummy Gum Massagers.   They are top  #3 best seller in Amazon baby section, and a lot of babies seem to like this teether.





8. Fisher-Price Infant-To-Toddler Rocker
Cost: $39
The rocker is very useful.  It has two recline positions to fit your baby's comfort.  Infants who are sensitive and cannot rock themselves might get bored. Some people complains that if the infant is tall enough and cannot rock themselves as well, she can make her fall over while strapped in.

9. Dr. Brown Bottles
I haven't used because my J went straight to using sippy cup for milk, but I hear so many good things about Dr. Brown bottles that I purchased one for my second baby.  I haven't been able to use it yet because she is being breast-fed now.


10. Dr. Brown's Bottle Brush
This is the best bottle brush I've used.  It is soft at the end, it is not too wide or narrow for bottles that I have.


11. The First Years Spinning Drying Rack
I didn't think this was necessary, but after using them, they are so useful.  Instead of finding bottles everywhere for my son's straw cups, I know where they are and that they are being air-dried!

12. Diaper Genie Elite Diaper Disposal Pail
Also, this is a good product that I didn't realize it was necessary until my son started solids.  Instead of having to throw away the diaper trash every day, I can do that every week.  It saves a lot of time actually.
  


13. Freshfoods Mash & Serve Bowl
This is very useful. Instead of using the spoon, you can use this mash & serve bowl to serve one portion for the baby.  It is pretty easy to use and wash.






14. Thermos Foogo Leak Proof Stainless Steel Food Jar, 10 Ounce
I actually have an another product but same stainless steel food jar.  The stainless food jar keeps the warm food for five hours and cold food for seven hours.  It is great for daycare if you are packing food because they don't have to microwave the food for your son/daughter.


15. Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes
This is a great toy to carry around.

16. Lamaze Play & Grow Freddie the Fireflies
You can hang this on the stroller and you are good to go~
 
17. BABYBJORN Soft Big 2 Pack - Green/Yellow

18. Baby Einstein Bendy Ball
19. Britax 2 Pack EZ-Cling Sun Shades, Black
This is useful to cover the sun in the car.
 
20. Munchkin Backseat Organizer, Black
21. Philip 2 Pack AVENT Soothie Pacifier
This is the pacifier that the hospital gives. I haven't received this for my firstborn, but after testing many different pacifiers, this was the one that my son liked.  But he didn't use pacifier for a long time.

22. Baby Banana Bendable Training Toothbrush
This is very soft and it is also very good for teething.  My son really liked this one.  But we lost them after a few use.

23. Skip Hop Bath Spout Cover, Whale
24. Cloud b Sound Machine Soother
25. Re-play cups and bowls
I have first-years cups and bowls also, but this is a lot sturdy.  The size is perfect for toddlers.

26. Bumkins Waterproof Junior Bib
27. Fisher-Price Healthy Care Delux Booster Seat
28. Soft Gear My Booster Seat
29. Aqueduck Faucet Extender, Aqua
30. Inglesina 2013 Fast Table Chair, Orange

Also see, baby items I couldn't live without

Best Blanket All Baby should Have - Aden + Anais Muslin Swaddling Wraps

C in Aden + Anais blanket

For my firstborn, I didn't have this Aden + Anais Muslin Swaddling Wraps, but I purchased one set of four blankets for my second one.  The blanket is so useful that I carry them everywhere.  Having four of them are very helpful because you have at least one that is clean while other ones are being washed.  I had fruit stain, and I used Clorox on it, but to my surprise, the colored patterns didn't lose its color and fade away.

The blanket is made of 100%, very soft and lightweight.  I would say this is a must in the baby registry!

The size is 47 x 47 inches, and the large size is suitable for swaddling wraps, sun-shade for the stroller, nursing cover, burp cloth, tummy time blanket and even changing table cover.  It is large but lightweight.  It keeps warmth but not too hot for the summer.  It is also not too heavy to carry.  It is also good first layer of blanket for winter because it keeps the body temperature warm.

It is ranked #1 in baby > nursery bedding > blankets & swaddling in Amazon, and rated 4.5 out of 5. 

Food that is Good for each Body Type

Wondering what body type you are, and wondering to find food good for your body?

Below is the summary from Doctor Oz:

1. Kappa, with large shoulders and hips, is the largest body types. 

- What to avoid: sugars, salts, fats like Cheese

- What to eat: spices, herb, honey, veggies, old grains like barleys, lentils 

2. Pitta, with medium, muscular build, fast-digesting and always feeling hot 

- What to avoid: spicy, acidic foods, alcohol, coffee 

- What to eat: sweet juicy fruits, coconuts, white rice, cucumbers, leafy vegies

3. Vata, with dry skin, is the most slender body type and is hard to gain weight  

- What to avoid: raw veggies, dry or cold food, carbonated beverages

- What to eat: herbal supplement, warm cooked food and veggies, nuts and dairy

Stroller Reviews: Quinny, Bumbleride, CitiMini

** Quinny
Pros: pretty design
Cons: small storage space, seat located low, a little uneasy to maneuver, cannot wash the seat in the washing machine
Quinny Buzz Xtra: cannot handle the stroller with one hand

J in double Bumbleride

** Bumbleride
Pros: large storage space, very easy to maneuver, one hand handling, can separate the seat for washing
Cons: big and bulky

** Bugaboo
 Pros: okay storage space, easy to maneuver (not as easy and smooth as Bumbleride)
Cons: very big and bulky, requires large space in the trunk of the car or in the house

** Uppababy Vista
Pros: easy to maneuver
Cons: very big and bulky

Our blue CitiMini

** CitiMini
Pros: very easy to fold and place in the trunk of the car or in the house, moves easily, lighter than Bumbleride or Bugaboo, Cheaper than other strollers like Quinny, Bumbleride and Bugaboo.

** MacClarine
Pros: very easy to fold and place in the trunk of the car or in the house, portable, a little uneasy to maneuver
Cons: falls if you hang bags that are a little heavy 






Overall, I really like Bumbleride and CitiMini or Citi Select if you have 2 babies that need strollers.  I have double Bumbleride and CitiMini.  I had Quinny, but I carried too many things and it didn't have much space, and after much use, I felt it was very hard to maneuver.  Then, I got CitiMini and Bumbleride because our baby sitter had to take care of two infants.

I really like CitiMini and Bumbleride!